Looking Back

Looking back, I see it all- the good and the bad. It's not only the good or only the bad but rather taking both and molding, scuplting, chiseling, forming something beautiful out of the two, together.

Guatemala was a defining trip for me as I grew in my love for Latin America, the language, the people, the culture, everything! It was a reconfirmation of God's calling for me to be there.

Gabon was a defining trip for me as I discovered bits and pieces of myself, of what gets under my skin, of how attitude can make or break something, of how barriers can be allowed or shattered, of how relationships can be healed.

The combined trips caused a defining summer for me as I grew closer to God, talked with Him more and then listened to hear His voice, lived the calling that He puts before me, struggled through hiding in the shadow of the cross as I lead.

Thank you all for reading and praying as I continued on my journey called life. :) I've heard from a few who have read this, and it's very encouraging to know the support system that I have as I take each step in life. :)

Africa

In less than 2 and a half hours, we head to the airport and out of the country. After almost 2 weeks of being stretched and pulled and twisted and challenged and confronted and loved, our time is up here. But Tim, the missionary here, explained it differently. Our time isn't "up" but rather just a continuation. We have to look at missions trips as an episode of the movie of life and not just an event. And as we head home, he explained that there are 4 responses, each taking a different amount of time for each person.
1. Fun- You get back into normal life, getting to do things and eat food and live life in the ways that you missed.
2. Flee- Africa is missed and you try to get away from normal life. Sinking back to look at pictures and talk with the team a lot, we try to relive Africa.
3. Fight- This is where you actually get mad that you're not in Africa, angry that people aren't as friendly, upset that life isn't the same.
4. Not really named, this response is twofold. Either you take what you learned and put it away in your closet, forgetting all that God has told you, or you take it and incorporate it into life because life is going to keep going on, it's not going to stop.

That's what we're dealing with as we leave... I'm realizing now that I didn't write of the activities that we've done.
Wednesday- Drove to NYC and flew to Morocco
Thursday- Flew from Morocco to Gabon
Friday->Tuesday- Drove to Ndjole (4 hour drive, extremely bumpy) to work on digging, plumbing, and tiling with Pastor Phillipe; saw a baptism; got to know some of the locals; eating cultural food; a handful of people got sick
Wednesday- Went to Hope House to play with orphans
Thursday- Market; beach
Friday- Medical clinic; watched our translator son play soccer (he's the captain of a professional team...but this was just a summer league game)
Saturday- ACAC team split to go to the medical clinic and a work site; I went to work; demo on a roof and then re-roofed it with tin sheets
Sunday- Church (AMAZING!!!); lunch with the Straws; beach; pack; eat; leave...

Life Conversations...

At a medical clinic today, we did a lot of what happen last summer in Guatemala at a medical clinic. The basic blood pressure, weight, and pain questionnaire process filtered through a few dozen locals in a small community. People enter my focus, but I had a huge problem with the language barrier. We talked about it tonight at debriefing, and I kinda figured out why- after Guatemala, I had a list of two dozen people or so whom I had made firm relationships with and knew personally, more than just a basic conversation. But here in Gabon, I don't have anyone on my list, and I only have two days left. It's been a tough trip to sort through, as to why I'm actually here and what God's plan was/is...

People are headed off to bed cause it's 11 here and that's light's out time. Right now, we're finishing up a time of playing cards, drinking some D'jino, and talking about life; a few of the life conversations really helped me sort through a relationship that's been on my mind through this whole trip... And even though I'm headed to bed, I know that God'll race thoughts through my head, continuing a spider web of conflicts, plans, dreams, and barriers.

Waves of Wonder

Today we crowded in two vans and headed for the coast, to Santa Clara beach- the nicest in Gabon. The day, although spent almost in full at the beach, was an amazing way for the team, and especially me, to connect with God. We got there at low tide, and the sand beach gave room for sandy footprints before the foaming water raced towards me. As the day wore on and the tide grew higher, the waves grew more ominous and powerful. By the end of our day there, around 3-4 o'clock, the waves were mountains, maybe 6-foot swells, so 10 feet as I was at the base looking into the foaming peaks. I'm not a tiny girl, but I know that 2 things were true: I'm not stopping this mountain from crushing me but I also know that God has control over this mysterious tide. God brought to my mind the story of the disciples and Jesus in the storm; not just the story but also the might of God's hand, His word, His breath to calm the waves that scared his disciples. Now, the disciples lived on the water, breathed the water, dreamed of the water. Storms were normal, but this one had them pleading for their lives. As I floated, staring the mountain down, I was scared; as the wave tumbled and flipped me underwater, I saw my life flash before my eyes, not once but a couple times.

Meeting God face to face, nature to human, wave to scared girl, the experience gave me an appreciation for God's might but also a love for His risky side.

Oh, and while I was getting washed around by these mountain waves, I got bit by a jelly fish- which meant that my back swelled up and turned red. Thanks to Jake, I took some Benadryl and survived. Plus, I had an allergic reaction to something, maybe the coconut that Jake climbed a tree for. But I'm good now. :)

Dried Mango

Earlier, I had a chance to write, but I didn't have enough time to say more than the fact that we're all still alive. A handful of people have been sick, and the weakness that comes with that has brought some closer to knowing God (as they've told me). But I haven't been sick, and so that humility that draws us to God as we're puking our guts out hasn't been my route for getting to know God better. There are things that have stuck out to me, things that have been close to God's voice audibly speaking, things that have pulled me closer and tighter:
~I've been called to missions, as many know, but this summer and many others are my chance to give God the freedom to let me know where. Guatemala was...life impacting and amazing in so many ways, so going into this trip I was very cautious and almost scared. But God has given me a peace knowing that this is not the place that I should be. I love the people and their hearts for God, but He's reaffirmed time and time again that I'm not to witness here. That peace is indescribable, soothing, and unexpected.
~God's called me out on the fact that I define a relationship by the amount of communication that takes place. But with me not knowing French, I felt like relationships were not happening, at all. But a few people have popped into my journey, my trip, my life that have changed it. Yasmina- speaking to that little girl by spinning her; Estel- speaking to a girl my age through English and motions; Mama Fifi and Mariette- speaking through soap suds, dishes, and dried mangoes.

I'm beginning to miss some of my family and friends a lot, and it's weighing me down a bit, but God's teaching me through that. This is such a learning, growing, stretching experience, but it's unlike anything I've ever and will ever experience.

Over the Hill

So, we're over half way through, and you've haven't heard anything about the trip. Haha. Sorry about that- the Internet company just came off of their strike, but we're unsure how long it'll last. Technically, they could go back on strike later today and we'd lose connection again.

But I'm kinda ok with no connection to the States, not that I don't want you all to hear all that God's doing in Gabon and in us, but the freedom that comes with a total disconnect from all that we know so that we can just absorb this culture is huge!

I'm off to Hopehouse Orphanage to get to know some kids for a few hours, but here's a recap: We went to Ndjole, a little village about 4 hours away, from Friday to Tuesday. We had a blast working and getting to know the people and eating their cultural food. Some people got sick, bummer, but they're better now- not 100% but better. Saying goodbye was harder than I thought, especially when I saw a woman I had gotten to know crying when I peeked out the back of our van as it pulled out. Goodbyes seem to plague my life right now, but I'm learning to find God amidst them.

The language barrier is breaking down in so many ways as I'm learning to see the people, and the God that made them, without having to use words. Laughing, smiling, pointing, waving- I've made it half way through the trip not having to be a translator for the group or even know more than three words of it.

Your prayers are amazing, and I can honestly say that I'm discovering God. Each time that I get to know Him, He gets bigger, stronger, more amazing, beautiful. Avouir! (I think...)