Words

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words... 

and I have thousands of pictures from my time in Peru this summer.

So what do I do with these words?

I can hold them inside of me, caught within my heart, protected and safe, ready to relive whenever I want to escape the present for a moment in the past.

I can write them upon my mind, reliving each experience through mental narratives that never leave the walls of my mind, forming a dusty bookshelf of unspoken books.

I can speak them from my lips-- the sweetness of God's love story for his children

being poured out for all who will listen.

All of us live life, and whether or not we have pictures, there are words that we are given to speak.   Instead of the saying "a picture is worth a thousand words," I believe God is calling us to live a life in which He is saying "Your life is worth never ceasing to speak words."

Our lives are testimonies of God's protection, love, grace, provision, discipline, and guidance.  We are to speak, not because of all that we have accomplished and can brag about but rather because God is the Author of each of our lives.  He desires that we put our stories out there, allowing our lives to be "read" --

spoken as hope to the hopeless,

told as grace to the struggling,

released as a second chance to the lost,

published as peace to the brokenhearted.

We cannot hold or trap what He has written in us, for if we do even the rocks will cry out.

So what does this mean for you?  

Well, for me, it means sharing the chapters of my life that I have deemed unworthy of sharing, opening up the sections that I have dismissed as absent of God's pen, and releasing the clips and glue that hold some pages stuck together.  For me, I am to speak of all that God has done, is doing, and will do, but I am not to do this for any other reason than that the Author has chosen to write it and therefore I am responsible to give the story away.

Allow your life to be a collection of words that is read by many, highlighted for the depth of God's truth within it and faded from being over-read by those going through the same thing.

Allow your life to be a book that screams of God's penmanship and presence, especially through the most difficult times, for when those who do not know the Author read of it, they will find Him and not just a next best-seller. 

This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long...

Do you trust God enough to surprise you?

That was one of those questions that I said but knew it wasn't really me saying it.  I had been talking with one of the short term team leaders, sharing about life and what God has been teaching me over my 11 weeks in Peru.  She had just shared how God had been faithful but unexpected in how He had completely changed her and her husband's lives in the past few years.  "Do you trust God enough to surprise you?"  I asked it of her but knew that God was really asking it to me.  

 Do you trust Me enough to surprise you, Heather?

I am now back in Nyack, New York, enjoying the first day of preseason and being back "home," but to be completely honest, not much about this summer turned out the way I had expected or planned it to turn out.  As I packed for 11 weeks in South America, both my mom and my grandma were sent to an oncologist.  I was told neither had cancer, until I was in Peru and received an email saying my grandma did have cancer and email updates only spoke of flatline results.  Why would God call me to Peru if my grandma, and other relatives, were having medical issues?  I wanted to be home to support them and care for them and be with them.

I was reading over my journal, and in one of the first entries from the trip, I remember telling God, "You can do whatever you want, just don't touch this.  I am ok with whatever happening this summer, but You're not allowed to take this away from me."  I guess that's God language for take this away, because He did.  I'm not saying that I'm happy He took it away from me, and I definitely am not at the point where I can say I'm thankful, but this I do know: The Bible is really straightforward when it says

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge (or submit) to Him, and He will direct your path.  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Trust.  It's one word with so much power, for not only do you hand over of control but you also give control to someone else.  Now, that may sound repetitive, but not only am I relinquishing the ability to design and plan and enact something; I am also giving someone else the ability to do that.  Control doesn't hang in empty space when I let go of it.  Control goes directly to someone else's hands, or should I say Someone Else's hands.  Trust not only says I'll let go; it also designates who I give it to.

This summer, I realized that I didn't trust God, simply by the fact that I was still clenching some things in my hands and wouldn't submit control of them to Him.  It sounds hard to say that I didn't trust God, because I did with some things...but can you trust with only somethings and still be trusting?  This summer, God stripped me of a lot, and while there's a lot more stripping to do, I trust Him.  I trust my Creator, Father, and Lover to know my heart better than I do and to plan my future better than I can.

So now, can I ask you one question?

Do you trust God enough to surprise you?  To throw all your plans and expectations and habits out the window and to replace them with his plans and will and discipline?

At the end of the summer, I can say this one thing, even amidst not understanding and all the pain:

There is no one better to have control and my trust than God.  No one.  Period.

Oswald Chambers said that "faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves the One who is leading."  That has never been more true in my life than over these past 11 weeks and even now as I transition back into being an athlete and a student (a senior, at that!).  I would even add that trust never knows where it's being led but it does love the One leading...

Check out Lamentations 3:19-26.  Despite my wandering and bitterness, I need to choose to call to mind the hope I have in Jesus because His compassions never fail, His faithfulness is great, and His love is a saving love.  This hope isn't something we see, know, or even understand.  It's something of the future, of God's will and timing, but it's something of grace and provision.  His hope is an anchor for my soul, and in that I will place my trust.

Heart Check

Is ministry work only done overseas?

I know the answer to that question, and I hope you do too; however, this past week, when I was in Pucallpa (Peru's jungle) with a team, the heart behind my answer was changed.  In the Bible, Jesus elaborates on the Old Testament law by saying that yes- obedience of the law is important, but what is looked at by God is the heart and its motives.  In other words, Jesus stresses ministry involvement but He also examines the heart as it serves, surrenders, and sacrifices.

Is your heart connecting, truly connecting, to ministry only when you're overseas?

It's easy to connect to a ministry that is so dense with the spiritual high of a missions trip and that there is no endurance required.  I am only here in Trujillo for 11 weeks, so I will barely touch the effort that it will take to get over the hump of staying committed, dedicated, and invested in a ministry.  At home-- whether that be in New York, Pittsburgh, or Newark, I am part of ministries that last months, if not years.  There is an endurance, a perseverance demanded.

As I was in the jungle, God spoken and has continued to be speaking to my heart about where it has been during the ministries I have been a part of.  Am I staying committed socially to the children in my home ministries when I've had a long day with classes and practices?  Am I remaining dedicated to pour into their lives and love on them emotionally when I'm already spent?  Am I continuing to invest in them spiritually when it's months into the program and there hasn't been any apparent change in their attitudes and behavior?

Proverbs 21:2

All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.

The ministries I'm in at home weren't and aren't a bad thing, but the heart that motivated me wasn't always at the standard God calls me to be at.  I have seen the passion and creativity that comes with investing all of one's self in a ministry, and I have been encouraged, and even convicted, about where my heart has been and needs to be.  From the pastor's daughters who didn't care how silly they looked but danced before the children and before the Lord to the volunteers who proclaim fearlessly the Gospel while complementing their ministry by the sacrifice of investing their money and time selflessly into the lives of children in need, I have seen hearts invested in ministry.  And that is contagious.  A heart that loves and serves the Lord with endurance through the months of serving is a beautiful and honorable sight, and my prayer is that as the Lord weighs my heart, He will find it so heavy from being filled with the investments made in the lives of children, youth, and adults around me.

Here is a quick update of what we did in the jungle!

-The ministries and projects we did were all connected to the Alliance church there with whom the visiting team has had a partnership with.  We worked in the church, helping with painting, small construction projects, and fixing a screen for the wall projector.

-Relationships are a huge part of the Latin American culture, so we spent hours visiting church (and non-church) people's homes, hearing the pains and joys of their lives and encouraging them in their faith by sharing verses and praying.  This was my favorite part as I saw the hearts of people who typically are just passing faces in the church building.  I am definitely planning on keeping up this practice when I return to the States!

-We were able to help the team (from Yakima, Washington) host three VBS programs in two churches, and I cannot even begin to describe their success!  We were expecting 60 children at each of the churches but instead had between 140 and 150 children at each, not including all of the parents that came and watched the whole time.

-Brent (my co-leader and fellow intern) and I were able to go to the reino sanitario (garbage dump) one of the days, and so connecting with the people who live and work in the garbage dump was really great!  Trujillo has two garbage dumps and they both hold hundreds of workers, so this was nice to get to meet the dozen families that lived in Pucallpa's smaller garbage dump.  Below is a picture of Leo and his sister, two children who so evidently show God's joy and smile while living amidst the poverty of garbage dump living.

Measuring Life

There's a popular song that questions how we define a year-- in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee...  Since I've been here in Trujillo, Peru God has been teaching me to measure life in a different way.  I have been to a day care center, a community outside of the garbage and then also entering into the garbage dump, a children's ministry in a dangerous section of town, and also cell groups (Bible studies) in the churches.  Time is not measured by a watch, a clock on the wall, or the digital numbers on a cell phone screen.  Here, in Trujillo, I have been able to be part of a different cadence.

Time is measured by the rhythm of a plastic bag, floating gently through the air as it's thrown from the dirty hands of a boy playing in the streets.   Time is measured by the rise and fall of a garbage worker's hoe as he digs through plastic bags full of trash, searching for recyclable treasures of metal, plastic, or wood.  Time is measured by the screams of the combi drivers as their voices pattern the streets of the city but are muffled by the cluttered noises of other combi buses raging past, the murmur of pedestrians, and the steady beat of horns.  Time is measured by the slapping and tapping of barefeet, echoing the bumping and thudding of the soccer ball on the cement court.

My prayer is that this summer I understand the simplicity of time.  That numbers and tick-tocks on a machine are not the definers of time but rather the people that live it out.  I am spending a long time here in Peru, yet God has been speaking to me about how I spend my time, how I measure it, and where I invest and add to the time.  All of the ministries have been great to see and become a part of, and I hope to get some pictures up soon of the people, their culture, and their joy.

One of my favorite measures of time is one that is often overlooked as I review my day.  It's not overlooked because it wasn't important but simply because it wasn't cultural and extraordinary.  I have been able to spend a good amount of time each morning with God-- talking, praying, reading His love letter to me, and submitting my day to His will.  This-- my time with God-- has been a measure of time that helps in the measurement of all other time during the day.  In other words, as I am able to devote and discipline myself in spending time with God each morning, all the other time in the day tends to be sweeter, more vivid, and expanded.  My time with God has become the ruler for measuring life, and He has continued to encourage me that He will do exceedingly and abundantly more than I ask and imagine.

GO!!

I'm sorry for the delay in writing a post since I've been here.  We've traveled hours each day in a bus or van, making our way from Lima, Peru to Huaticocha, Ecuador and then returning back to Trujillo where I will work and serve for the summer.  The training was called "The Amazing Race" and beside not stopping to rest during those 10 days, we ate some gross things, pushed our bodies to physical limits, and were able to bond incredibly as a team.  (If you really want to know, we ate palm worms, cow stomach, chicken feet, boar, and chicha--a drink that is composed of chewed up yuka mixed with spit from everyone in the village.)

We unpacked and settled in Trujillo this morning, and it has been really nice to get to know the missionary family, especially the kids, and the workers who will be here this summer.  I have loved getting to know my fellow interns; they already feel like family so I can't imagine how close we'll be in August.

Here are a few prayer requests:
-There is only internet on a missionary's computer here at the albergue, the place we'll stay and work at in Trujillo.  So when I want to skype, check my email, update my blog, etc.  I have to go to Starbucks at the mall, which is a 40 minute bus ride away.  It's a curveball I thought I missed, but please pray that I continue to have a good attitude.  This, right now, is helping me be here 100%, especially mentally and emotionally, but it's been hard.
-We, as interns, have to do a creative project-- something with the natives here that will bless or help them.  I'm pretty sure God has put a huge but exciting project on my heart.  Please, please pray that I am following His voice and also that I will be able to get working right away!  More details to come... :)
-The first two teams come tomorrow night and while I'm not one of the interns to take the 10-hour bus ride to pick them up in Lima, we will be extremely busy for the next 10 days.  Pray that the interns will be able to watch as the missionaries lead the first set and then that we are able to lead with God's strength for the rest of the summer.

Thank you for your prayers!  I am safe, a little sunburnt, and soaking up God's presence!!!  I have had some of this morning and this afternoon to rest, and it has been a much appreciated change of pace, BUT I am so excited for the teams to come and for us to get into the community and get to know the people here in Trujillo.

Ready, Set, .....

Hey everyone! Just wanted to send a quick update. I leave for Nyack tomorrow morning and then for Peru on Friday afternoon. I get the chance to spend time with a friend or two in Nyack but then I'm flying to South America for 10 weeks. Keep me in your prayers as I hold my breath and rush through the packing both for Peru and Nyack. Thank you all for your support and prayers! :)