Looking Back

Looking back, I see it all- the good and the bad. It's not only the good or only the bad but rather taking both and molding, scuplting, chiseling, forming something beautiful out of the two, together.

Guatemala was a defining trip for me as I grew in my love for Latin America, the language, the people, the culture, everything! It was a reconfirmation of God's calling for me to be there.

Gabon was a defining trip for me as I discovered bits and pieces of myself, of what gets under my skin, of how attitude can make or break something, of how barriers can be allowed or shattered, of how relationships can be healed.

The combined trips caused a defining summer for me as I grew closer to God, talked with Him more and then listened to hear His voice, lived the calling that He puts before me, struggled through hiding in the shadow of the cross as I lead.

Thank you all for reading and praying as I continued on my journey called life. :) I've heard from a few who have read this, and it's very encouraging to know the support system that I have as I take each step in life. :)

Africa

In less than 2 and a half hours, we head to the airport and out of the country. After almost 2 weeks of being stretched and pulled and twisted and challenged and confronted and loved, our time is up here. But Tim, the missionary here, explained it differently. Our time isn't "up" but rather just a continuation. We have to look at missions trips as an episode of the movie of life and not just an event. And as we head home, he explained that there are 4 responses, each taking a different amount of time for each person.
1. Fun- You get back into normal life, getting to do things and eat food and live life in the ways that you missed.
2. Flee- Africa is missed and you try to get away from normal life. Sinking back to look at pictures and talk with the team a lot, we try to relive Africa.
3. Fight- This is where you actually get mad that you're not in Africa, angry that people aren't as friendly, upset that life isn't the same.
4. Not really named, this response is twofold. Either you take what you learned and put it away in your closet, forgetting all that God has told you, or you take it and incorporate it into life because life is going to keep going on, it's not going to stop.

That's what we're dealing with as we leave... I'm realizing now that I didn't write of the activities that we've done.
Wednesday- Drove to NYC and flew to Morocco
Thursday- Flew from Morocco to Gabon
Friday->Tuesday- Drove to Ndjole (4 hour drive, extremely bumpy) to work on digging, plumbing, and tiling with Pastor Phillipe; saw a baptism; got to know some of the locals; eating cultural food; a handful of people got sick
Wednesday- Went to Hope House to play with orphans
Thursday- Market; beach
Friday- Medical clinic; watched our translator son play soccer (he's the captain of a professional team...but this was just a summer league game)
Saturday- ACAC team split to go to the medical clinic and a work site; I went to work; demo on a roof and then re-roofed it with tin sheets
Sunday- Church (AMAZING!!!); lunch with the Straws; beach; pack; eat; leave...

Life Conversations...

At a medical clinic today, we did a lot of what happen last summer in Guatemala at a medical clinic. The basic blood pressure, weight, and pain questionnaire process filtered through a few dozen locals in a small community. People enter my focus, but I had a huge problem with the language barrier. We talked about it tonight at debriefing, and I kinda figured out why- after Guatemala, I had a list of two dozen people or so whom I had made firm relationships with and knew personally, more than just a basic conversation. But here in Gabon, I don't have anyone on my list, and I only have two days left. It's been a tough trip to sort through, as to why I'm actually here and what God's plan was/is...

People are headed off to bed cause it's 11 here and that's light's out time. Right now, we're finishing up a time of playing cards, drinking some D'jino, and talking about life; a few of the life conversations really helped me sort through a relationship that's been on my mind through this whole trip... And even though I'm headed to bed, I know that God'll race thoughts through my head, continuing a spider web of conflicts, plans, dreams, and barriers.

Waves of Wonder

Today we crowded in two vans and headed for the coast, to Santa Clara beach- the nicest in Gabon. The day, although spent almost in full at the beach, was an amazing way for the team, and especially me, to connect with God. We got there at low tide, and the sand beach gave room for sandy footprints before the foaming water raced towards me. As the day wore on and the tide grew higher, the waves grew more ominous and powerful. By the end of our day there, around 3-4 o'clock, the waves were mountains, maybe 6-foot swells, so 10 feet as I was at the base looking into the foaming peaks. I'm not a tiny girl, but I know that 2 things were true: I'm not stopping this mountain from crushing me but I also know that God has control over this mysterious tide. God brought to my mind the story of the disciples and Jesus in the storm; not just the story but also the might of God's hand, His word, His breath to calm the waves that scared his disciples. Now, the disciples lived on the water, breathed the water, dreamed of the water. Storms were normal, but this one had them pleading for their lives. As I floated, staring the mountain down, I was scared; as the wave tumbled and flipped me underwater, I saw my life flash before my eyes, not once but a couple times.

Meeting God face to face, nature to human, wave to scared girl, the experience gave me an appreciation for God's might but also a love for His risky side.

Oh, and while I was getting washed around by these mountain waves, I got bit by a jelly fish- which meant that my back swelled up and turned red. Thanks to Jake, I took some Benadryl and survived. Plus, I had an allergic reaction to something, maybe the coconut that Jake climbed a tree for. But I'm good now. :)

Dried Mango

Earlier, I had a chance to write, but I didn't have enough time to say more than the fact that we're all still alive. A handful of people have been sick, and the weakness that comes with that has brought some closer to knowing God (as they've told me). But I haven't been sick, and so that humility that draws us to God as we're puking our guts out hasn't been my route for getting to know God better. There are things that have stuck out to me, things that have been close to God's voice audibly speaking, things that have pulled me closer and tighter:
~I've been called to missions, as many know, but this summer and many others are my chance to give God the freedom to let me know where. Guatemala was...life impacting and amazing in so many ways, so going into this trip I was very cautious and almost scared. But God has given me a peace knowing that this is not the place that I should be. I love the people and their hearts for God, but He's reaffirmed time and time again that I'm not to witness here. That peace is indescribable, soothing, and unexpected.
~God's called me out on the fact that I define a relationship by the amount of communication that takes place. But with me not knowing French, I felt like relationships were not happening, at all. But a few people have popped into my journey, my trip, my life that have changed it. Yasmina- speaking to that little girl by spinning her; Estel- speaking to a girl my age through English and motions; Mama Fifi and Mariette- speaking through soap suds, dishes, and dried mangoes.

I'm beginning to miss some of my family and friends a lot, and it's weighing me down a bit, but God's teaching me through that. This is such a learning, growing, stretching experience, but it's unlike anything I've ever and will ever experience.

Over the Hill

So, we're over half way through, and you've haven't heard anything about the trip. Haha. Sorry about that- the Internet company just came off of their strike, but we're unsure how long it'll last. Technically, they could go back on strike later today and we'd lose connection again.

But I'm kinda ok with no connection to the States, not that I don't want you all to hear all that God's doing in Gabon and in us, but the freedom that comes with a total disconnect from all that we know so that we can just absorb this culture is huge!

I'm off to Hopehouse Orphanage to get to know some kids for a few hours, but here's a recap: We went to Ndjole, a little village about 4 hours away, from Friday to Tuesday. We had a blast working and getting to know the people and eating their cultural food. Some people got sick, bummer, but they're better now- not 100% but better. Saying goodbye was harder than I thought, especially when I saw a woman I had gotten to know crying when I peeked out the back of our van as it pulled out. Goodbyes seem to plague my life right now, but I'm learning to find God amidst them.

The language barrier is breaking down in so many ways as I'm learning to see the people, and the God that made them, without having to use words. Laughing, smiling, pointing, waving- I've made it half way through the trip not having to be a translator for the group or even know more than three words of it.

Your prayers are amazing, and I can honestly say that I'm discovering God. Each time that I get to know Him, He gets bigger, stronger, more amazing, beautiful. Avouir! (I think...)

Packing Up Again

So, I'm heading off to Gabon in less than 48 hours, which means that I have less than 2 days to prepare not just my suitcase but also my heart... I didn't think that it would be this tough, this demanding, this draining to go on two missions trips, almost back to back. But it is...and I'm kinda struggling. I don't know where to put the spiritual high from Guatemala as I need to focus once more and prepare for another in Gabon.

Anyways, I'm packing, or at least attempting. The Guatemala clothes have been washed, folded, and then placed on my floor to be repacked. But, here goes- clothes are worn and torn, faded and made of memories; they have literally stepped into our shoes to experience everything that makes and breaks our lives. And so my clothes hold a meaning, have captured memories, and I'm not sure that they have room to be filled with more meanings and memories. I guess we'll just have to see...

The clothes on my floor, folded and arranged in a rainbow of fabrics, but it's becoming a flood of colors. Tomorrow morning the team comes over, all 7 of us, and we're going to pack all of our food for the 13 days, all of our supplies for the activities, all of everything we think we may need. But what must be packed is a prepared heart, and that takes time to foster, to grow, to nuture, to encourage, to trim.

Mountains

This morning, I woke up at 6:30, not sure why because it wasn't the screaming of an alarm or the honking of buses in the midmorning traffic. After pretty much packing up all of my stuff, I had a while to listen to some worship music and read my Bible as a sort of devotional time. So I walked onto my little balcony, settled down into a chair, took a glance at the surrounding mountains, and then randomly leafed to a chapter in Psalm, as I normally do to start my devotional time. Today, the chapter was Psalm 125, and it directly talked about God protecting and surrounding us just as the mountains in Jerusalem did for the Isrealites. At that point, I didn't know whether Stephen and Brian would be traveling with me, so I felt this peace knowing that just as the mountains surrounded me at that moment, so God would surround me as I travel, if I had to travel alone.

Well, right now I'm sitting in the Guatemala City airport and I am not alone...Stephen was healthy enough and Brian not sick enough. So, although they're sick, they can at least travel with me - a huge answer to prayer.

Sick

Hey. So I have a minute because we're at Leigh and Josh's appartment/suite. Please continue to pray for us, especially as Stephen is sick with the flu. It hit the morning that most of the team left for Antigua and then Guatemala City. He had a cough, congestion, and a headach. Today, it elevated in the morning and so we walked him over to the hotel to stay with Leigh. The symptoms extended to being diagnosed as a flu earlier today, Please pray because he is not himself, because he is missing the extended part of the trip, and because we travel tomorrow-all not a fun time to be sick.

With everything else, we are staying in a house together, which is a blessing that got rid of one of my biggest fears. The family is amazing, and the mother is actually a cook (somewhat professional), so the meals are amazing and there's lots of love. Meeting with my Compassion child has fallen through, so I think that we'll be helping with ESL tomorrow.

We have to head back to Clara's house, still with hungry stomachs because we haven't eaten dinner yet. Good night.

Heading Out

Today's a hard day for a few reasons. For the majority of the team, they head out to Antigua and then Guatemala City, where tomorrow they will board a plane and head back to the US. So saying goodbye not just to the people here and the countryside but also to the community that we have will be tough. It's amazing how people come together on a missions trip but it's also confusing as to how people break off again once they get back to the States, back to "normal" life, back to comfort.

But today's also a little hard for me, Stephen, and Brian. We'll be staying 2 extra days more than the group, and today's cultural day for them will be our first day of staying with a Guatemalan family. If I may be honest, I am a little scared. The group is leaving, and so the community, the fellowship, and the security of knowing they're around will vanish. Also, I had forseen that Stephen, Brian, and I will be together other then the evenings and mornings, and that expectation has been cruelly shattered. I'll be staying, alone, with a Guatemalan family, with only having the possibility of seeing them once or twice before Monday.

But God will work through my fears to bring about something beautiful. As of the moment, the plan is to be with the family, doing anything and everything that they would normally do. Tonight, a son of one of the three families is in a band and is performing a rock concert, in Spanish, so that should be exciting. Sunday morning we each go to the family's church. Monday we'll meet back at the hotel to maybe do ESL at a school or meeting my Compassion child. I'm just trying to lay it all in God's hand.

The bus that's taking them just rolled in, so I have to go say goodbye. Please continue praying.

Burried

Being the last work day, many in our group were sad to leave the sites, which was reasonable because of the relationships that we've built and the fun that we've had just working alongside the Guatemalans. Soccer went well last night, even though we lost- which means we payed for the rent of the field for that hour and Gatorades for the winners.

What stuck out most to me today was the devotional time tonight. We had Don, a missionary living on the hotel grounds speak, and having heard a message of his on Sunday, it was really good to hear what he had to say again. He asked a series of questions: What have you burried, hidden so that no one can see, covered under 6 feet of dirt? What kind of building are you building when no one can see? Who are you? He then talked about secrets that lead to hidden lives and the desire of God to restore us to our perfect relationship as exemplified in the Garden of Eden. Walking us through Moses' life as an example of how God chases us even through painful times, he pointed out a word. Hiyah (if I spelled it correctly)- to be fully present. We have to drop everything and uncover and become naked in order to be fully present. Challenging us to interact with someone that we trust about what we're hiding, we were given some time to just journal, pray, and spend time alone with God.

Yep...that's my God experience for the day. What helped me through it was something a good friend told me once: What we think that we need most at the moment is God's grace telling us to rely on Him for that need.

A Book

Today, we started with devotions and a huge breakfast (which is my favorite meal, so I’m glad it’s big, haha). After gathering our supplies, we walked up a few flights of stairs to a school that is actually in the hotel grounds, where we held a VBS for 40 minutes or so. Beginning with the dramas, we made crafts and taught colors, played a Bible verse game, and colored with crayons as vibrant as their personalities.

As VBS was going on, Kira slipped in. I noticed her right away as our translator from last summer and afterwards, reminded her of that trip. She asked about school and life and plans for the future, all in Spanish, which I loved. After telling her that my hope is to major in missions, especially in a Spanish speaking country, she now refuses to talk to me in English, so that I can practice my Spanish.

After VBS, we put our supplies away, changed into yesterday’s dirty work clothes, and then headed to our construction sites. We stayed at the same sites because some people, especially me, had made relationship progress and/or process knowledge that would be best to be continued at least another day. Soon at the home, we put up columnas (columns) and wire stuff to hold them in. They would be the support for the walls, and after mixing cement, we made a firm foundation to lay the blocas (blocks). The first row of blocks had to be layed by the mason, Mario, and so we just helped a little with that, watching mostly though. This may sound easy-what we did and all, but I didn’t tell you what we muled around. We had bags full of dirt, weighing about 150 lbs, to move from the trench digging, numbering in about 100 over the last two days; bags of piedras (rocks) to move (they were to mix into the cement to make it stronger), numbering around 30; bags of cement, numbering around 12; bags of sand to mix in with the cement and rocks, numbering around 30; and 200 blocas (blocks) for the walls. Mind you, I’m not good with estimating numbers, and we had to put the supplies in one area and then move them again once needed because we had to get the off the various trucks but didn’t have much room near the house area to put tons of supplies.

Today was another successful day as a translator for our group but also as a coworker with the guys. The Guatemalan workers knew what I was capable of doing, and let me do what a woman normally wouldn’t do and even some American men. Also, Ryan and I, in addition to a few of my team members who could muster out a little Spanish, we grew relationships, talking about stuff that’s more than Spanish class book material. Near the middle, we arranged to have a game- we, our youth group team, would play the workers in soccer tomorrow night after a little break after work. It’s exciting to see that they invite us to see them outside of work, to see them in a different aspect of their lives, to see that they know us enough to ask.

Day 2 of building the house ended as cement that was hand mixed was poured, the columnas (columns) were perfect, and the blocas (blocks) had been partially put in place. Walking into the hotel grounds, I could see the 3 little girls sitting at their spot next to the fountain, with a sister of one of the girls. They had returned to swim, and after my dad got his suit on, the four of them went in. A fifth joined, being the sister of two of the girls but not the two others, and my dad splashed and played and taught them how to swim.

Dinner, devotions, … oh wait. It wasn’t a normal night; we had a surprise baby shower for Josh and Leigh before devotions, which went beautifully. Hannah Harris planned everything- from punch to cake to gifts to cookies to a diaper game. We prayed over them at the end, anointing them to be wise and godly parents and for the child to grow in God’s love everyday.

Now I can say that we had devotions, haha. After searching God’s word and hearing Josh and Leigh’s story, we headed to our rooms, where I now sit after typing for almost an hour. I thought I wouldn’t write a book but I see that, yeah, it pretty much is. Enjoy it! Haha. I’m excited to see how God is going to continue to speak and how miracles are going to continue to happen.

Finding God

Even before the sun, we began our morning devotions, waking at 6:27 to meet as a group at 6:30 and then after a short song, split off for individual devotions. As much as 6:30 was an early wake-up as I swung my feet over the side of the bed, I’ve realized that my day is a lot, although not perfectly, smoother when I begin it with prayer, reading, and listening.

After devotions, breakfast, and getting supplies ready, our group split into four groups: VBS, House Construction, Fence Construction, and Teaching English. I headed to VBS, as it is my and Amanda’s senior projects. There, we began with a drama but also sang, colored, did globos (balloons), and loved on the kids. With the coloring, I had a blast saying a bunch of wrong animals, while the kids corrected me, and then finally saying the right one. And of course, with the balloons, we made swords and fought.
After VBS, which only lasted an hour, my crew headed back to the hotel, changed, and split up to go to different construction spots. As I look back right now, I see how much of a miracle it is that God chose to send me to the house construction because I was supposed to be going to the other spot but got changed last minute.

At the house, we were given the job of digging a trench about 30 centimeters high and 50 centimeters wide where we’d put a foundation for a 10 by 15 foot house. At first, the men were extremely hesitant for any woman to shovel, so we held the bags that would be filled with dirt. However, after getting to know the guys, I picked up a shovel and got to work. We finished most of the trench, and by the next morning, the workers had finished it (cause they stayed an hour after us). While there, though, Ryan and I really got to know one of the guys: Alberto, who’s 18. The other workers are very nice and bear with my Spanish. God seems to guide my tongue, and I’ve been somewhat of our groups translator at this site, which is so much fun.

Today ended with the normal: free time, dinner, and devotions. But after work, as we walked back along the cobbled road to the hotel, I saw 3 girls sitting on the next to the fountain near the main building of the hotel. These girls were shy but opened up quickly. We played hand games, It Tag, and then took them to a room to dance and perform the dramas.

Prayer

Today, we had a chance to attend a church inside of the hotel grounds that is also attended by the other missionaries and their families and 2 other missions trip groups. The preacher spoke of prayer and how the key is for us to see how God is so great and not what He can or should do, if that makes sense. In other words, we are to see His greatness, His immense capabilities, His outstanding love and know that whatever happens, God is great and not necessarily that the prayer was answered.

After church, we headed off to the mercado (market place) for some shopping…yay! Just kidding. I’m not a huge shopper, only buying two things myself, but the day was beautiful with on-and-off rain to spice up the shopping. One man, who I talked to, was such a blessing to just hear his story, to slow down and listen to the people that we’re bartering and buying stuff from. Sunday night ended with an enormous dinner, night devotional time, and the “family” game night.

They're keeping me busy, so the posts may be short, but God is doing a ton despite the little I have time to tell you of.

Focused

A few people have straggled behind after the group meeting, some strumming on a guitar while others are chatting and laughing. Whatever we're doing, almost everyone is tired! It's been a long day of travel, with us meeting at the airport at 4:30 this morning and arriving at the Casa del Rey at 6 pm. To all you in Pittsburgh and the States, the time's about 11:00 but in Guatemala, the time is 9. So, even though we're two hours behind, it feels later.

The flights went fairly smoothly, meeting a few other missions teams and some friendly Spanish-speakers along the way. After loosing only one bag and a few delays while driving from Guatemala City to Chichicastenango, we had a filling dinner and then headed to a group meeting. After going over the schedule and more information, we had a chance to focus on what the trip's going to be about: God. Josh Sevick, our guide for the week, challenged us with this thought-
"We may be here to help those who are impoverished and to lift them up from some of their troubles, but the main focus of the week, the one concern that should be the focus of a short term missions trip is to give God the room to work in us. It is to allow God to teach us about Himself through the Guatemalans, to deepen our relationship with Him, to stop and listen to what God's saying.

So, that's the focus. Stop. Listen.

During worship, we sang a song that grabs this idea by the hand and lets it fly. We sang "Heart of Worship," saying that it's all about God and not just the song, the work, the teaching that we are offering to God.

I gotta go get some sleep. Tomorrow's a busy day and today was pretty full too. Thanks everyone for reading and praying!

Flexible

Flexible - (adj) Capable of being bent, usually without being broken

This was the theme of the Concert of Prayer last night, and it has glimpses of being an enduring theme of the trip to Guatemala as well. To keep the list short, we've had last minute changes to the team as well as what seems to be a million details that need harnessed and organized. But through it all, God's not going to let us fall. As the definition above states, he will bend and twist and push and stretch us, but, and this is the beautiful part, he will not break us. We will never face a trial that is more than we can bear, and God knows that (that we won't break) even before we look that trial dead in the face for the first time.

As the 27 teens and leaders on the team enter the trip and even prepare for it, please keep the team as a whole and each of the individuals in your prayers. Each team member is entering the trip with different struggles, different expectations, different attitudes, different fears. Throughout the trip, our hope is to be able to blog each night on our team's blog: www.2009guatemalabound.blogspot.com. Three members or so will write of the day's adventures, challenges, highlights, and conversations. My hope is to steal some time each day and write on this blog of my personal encounters, struggles, and accomplishments.

What We'll Do

God has been known to surprise us and change our plans around, but, as of the moment, here is what we're planning to do in Guatemala:
Saturday, July 11: Travel, settling in, and a prayer walk at the hotel (Casa del Rey- House of the King)
Sunday: Going to church with the missionaries, shopping at the market, and getting ready for the week
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday: Construction, Vacation Bible School (VBS), and teaching English at a school
Friday: Spending the day at Lake Atitlan
Saturday: Stephen, Brian, and I say good-bye to the team as they head to Antigua and then travel back home on Sunday morning; we are staying for a few extra days in hopes of being further immersed in missions and the Guatemalan culture
Sunday and Monday: Josh and Leigh Sevick are planning what we're doing...somewhere, I think Monday, we'll have a chance to meet my Compassion child, Cesar.
Tuesday, July 21: Travel

As for Gabon, we don't have a schedule yet, but we do have a general idea. We'll be visiting an orphanage: Hope House; we are digging a ditch and connecting showers and toilets to Pastor Phillipe's (our host) house; and we are helping with a medical clinic where we'll do general medical stuff but also holding a VBS for the kids. The dates of this trip are July 29 to August 10.

Ready?

A few days ago, my family and I returned home from a week of vacationing in the Canadian side of the St. Lawrence Seaway. We were spending the week on houseboats, jumping between some of the 1000 Islands. Nature was crisp, vibrant, and refreshing; I felt like I had stepped back into time, back to the third day when land and sea were created, back to when God's mere voice could form and shape and give life. These are the moments that become memories, the memories that connect generations, the generations that last forever. Canada was such a blessing because it prepared me for the greatness of God, and being absorbed in it for a week can do miracles to a busy body.

But am I ready? Canada can prepare me some, but am I truly, deep down in my heart, ready for all that God's going to do? Am I willing to let my walls of control and insecurities collapse and tumble down as God has work to do on my heart and through my heart? I don't know; I can't honestly say that I'm ready but I do know that God is gracious and patient. As I stumble and fall and cry out amidst the wall that crashes down around me, I know that He'll wait, He'll protect, and He'll love.

He's not asking me to be "ready", because time's ticking away and we're leaving on Saturday. He's asking me to be willing to allow Him to chip away at my hardness, the walls that I've built up. He's asking me to allow Him to take control of, not just this trip, but my future. He's asking me to just be and not try so hard to do.

Baby Steps

I am blessed to see that as I am see a pile of sponsor letters still needing to be sent, that I also have an evergrowing pile of checks. The subject to change, total cost of Gabon is looking like $3,500 at the moment. Guatemala is $1,375; however I am likely to stay a few additional days with a select group from my team, and that adds an additional $200. I never thought that I would be able to raise over $5,000 in a few short months and yet God is showing me that He provides.

In Matthew, Jesus graciously proclaims that if we ask, it will be given to us; if we seek, we will find; if we knock, the door will be open. This is such a living testament to my journey right now. I have to trust that if I ask, He'll provide the money. I have to seek His will, and in that He'll show up in miraculous ways. I have to knock, to be persistent and really want it, and He will open the doors to providing for me.

Even though Guatemala is just over 2 months away and Gabon right after, God is teaching me the baby steps; He is leaning over me and holding my fingers to help me along. I can't take giant steps or even run yet because I am still learning, I am still in the process of searching, I am still relying on Him. And even when I will be able to run, I will have to learn to go to Him for my living water and strength. It's beautiful how when we develop in one area, a new reliance factor appears, reminding us that we will always need God. :)