P.S. This is titled "See You Later" because I am not a fan of goodbyes. So here's to seeing you later, if not in this world, then I pray that it is in Heaven as we come together to praise and worship our Father. :)
Friday, July 29, 2011
See You Later
Today is my last day at Rainbow Pencil Group, a place where kids who live in the slums of Bangkok can come and "learn." Now, why I put learn in quotation marks is because there is some learning, for they aren't able to go to school during the weeks and thus, this is their school; but more than that, our impact on the kids is not in teaching what they would typically learn. We play with them, laugh with them, eat with them, dance with them, sing with them, smile with them... And today is our last day to be with them, which will be extremely hard for some as they've built strong connections that will seem to rip apart when they take those final steps back towards the Guest House, turning back to see the mob of barefoot children waving. And I think that I can say I'll be one of those having a hard time. I won't cry uncontrollably, but those children touched my heart with their generosity, their hugs, and the little inside jokes I have with some of them. Here are a few pictures for you to look at so you can understand some of the love that pours our of their little lives. :)
This is the group of children that we have each week.
This is Mo Chit-- sweet on the outside, feisty on the inside!
These girls came for the first time a week ago, and I have connected to them so well!
This is Pik-- he was a friend of Toulee and Tang, the missionaries, when they did their internship here a few years ago. 6 months after they got home, they got an email saying that Pik was now a Christian. Because of this, he has started Rainbow Pencil Group-- this place where young professionals come to care for slum kids by volunteering their time. He is quite the character. :)
Tang Thai-- suai!
P.S. This is titled "See You Later" because I am not a fan of goodbyes. So here's to seeing you later, if not in this world, then I pray that it is in Heaven as we come together to praise and worship our Father. :)
P.S. This is titled "See You Later" because I am not a fan of goodbyes. So here's to seeing you later, if not in this world, then I pray that it is in Heaven as we come together to praise and worship our Father. :)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Permanence
There are times in our lives when God seems to whisper to us with the delicate mystery of surprise. And then there are times when God seems to overwhelm us with the continuous presence of an abiding, enduring sense of knowing. It's then-- when God goes beyond our need to feel Him and permeates into our innate sense of believing-- that His presence is most known and, surprisingly, most felt.
per·ma·nence
God's presence is becoming a permanence. It's gone past the immature stage of resting on the shifting waves of emotions and has become settled and secure on the rock, a firm foundation. His presence overwhelms me as I am able to skype my parents while they are at home in Pittsburgh getting ready for bed and I am in Thailand starting my day; His presence floods my heart as I am able to connect with friends from home on convictions and waiting on the Lord; His presence submerges me, not drowning but covering me, as I continue to walk, day in and day out, through this dark city of Bangkok and still be able to see that there is not only a future but hope for these people.
My prayer is that you find this permanence too. May God overwhelm you so much that you can feel nothing as strong as His divine, sweet presence; and yet it's not the feeling of God being present but knowing that He is, has been, and will always be there that makes feeling His presence a reality.
per·ma·nence
noun /ˈpərmənəns/
permanences, plural
The state or quality of lasting or remaining unchanged indefinitelypermanences, plural
God's presence is becoming a permanence. It's gone past the immature stage of resting on the shifting waves of emotions and has become settled and secure on the rock, a firm foundation. His presence overwhelms me as I am able to skype my parents while they are at home in Pittsburgh getting ready for bed and I am in Thailand starting my day; His presence floods my heart as I am able to connect with friends from home on convictions and waiting on the Lord; His presence submerges me, not drowning but covering me, as I continue to walk, day in and day out, through this dark city of Bangkok and still be able to see that there is not only a future but hope for these people.
My prayer is that you find this permanence too. May God overwhelm you so much that you can feel nothing as strong as His divine, sweet presence; and yet it's not the feeling of God being present but knowing that He is, has been, and will always be there that makes feeling His presence a reality.
Rest
God has made us for Himself, and our hearts can never know rest and perfect satisfaction until they find it in Him.
-- Hannah Hurnard
Rest. Our hearts long for rest, to be swallowed up in the embrace of our Maker, to be silent and peaceful in the presence of our Lover; yet for so many, our hearts have been trained to feel incomplete, useless, ineffective when we rest. The American culture, that I've perfected in mirroring, looks down on anyone who is not involved in three sports plus another extracurricular, spends any free time with friends, and is able to function on a few hours of sleep before the cycle continues. But where does God fit into this cyclic cancer? When do we mirror God's simple act of resting? At what point are we putting self over God by allow busyness to consume every waking minute?
In Psalm 62, David speaks of the source of his peace: "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him." David is making the connection that hope comes with rest, and so in the reversal, there is a symptom of hopelessness that comes with the disease of busyness. Yes; I understand that busyness is sometimes good, for God calls us to ministry and to be used by Him. But He does not call us to get burnt out from always doing everything and never saying no. This disease of busyness has racked by body and spirit for years, and in my pride, I saw the disease as an accomplishment, something I had fought hard for and had conquered in my own strength.
Thailand has changed that. Not Thailand or the guest house or the missionaries as individual entities but God using each of those through His divine plan. I have been spending unprecedented time with God each day, and while the testimony is to His presence in those hours, it is also to the fact that I am doing it through His strength and not my own. I was told once that a orchestra does not first play the symphony and then tune their instruments; in the same way, we are called, first and foremost, to "tune" our day by being in the presence of God.
For me, some of the busyness of life is unavoidable, but for those which are self-burdening, God has been calling me to lay them at His feet, placing Him as priority over my day and, as a result, allowing it to become His day. And so this has been my journey. Among some other things, God has spoken one word loud and clear: REST. I pray that you will find time today, tomorrow, this week to not just make a spot for God in your day in which you can rest with Him but also make it so that your day is orchestrated by the Author of Time, for His hand is the one that pours out the power and mercy to lead our hearts and lives closer and closer to His will.
Monday, July 18, 2011
A 5-star Sacrifice
As I imagined myself coming to Thailand for almost six weeks, there are a few things I imagined being my constant companions-- sweat, flies, heat, a language barrier. But as I've gone from air conditioned building to air conditioned building, barely stayed out in the slums enough to get a (few) handfuls of bug bites, and have had an amazing time being able to connect to both missionaries and Thai in English, I feel as though I am losing the uncomfortable positions in which the stereotype missions trip puts one in.
It is not as though I am not in ministry here, for the main goal of the Envision site missionaries are to "live life in Bangkok;" rather, I am finding that there is not the constant conversion from death to life of an unbeliever, the rigorous busyness of VBS and construction work and then repeating the cycle, the guiding schedule of a high school missions trip that has boxes for things to be done as a group or sub-groups. Missions isn't the glory that I had built it up to be in my head, and the crash as that expectation crumbles in my mind and heart has been a defining instant in my trip here.
Amy Carmichael once said, "O to be delivered from half-hearted missionaries! Don't come if you mean to turn aside for anything.... Don't come if you haven't made up your mind to live for one thing-- the winning of souls." There have been a lot of things that I have lived for, not all being for the winning of souls and God's glory in the process; yet, through this trip (and as I hope to continue through my life), God has brought people, sermons, books, and verses to my attention that have called me to die to self. Amy warned me that I am not to step even one step onto the missions field if my one focus is not to win souls, and that has been a sobering reality as I have drawn closer to God and sensed His gentle whispers and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. But it all comes at a "cost" of dying to self-- dying to that which takes my pure devotion and focus off of my Creator, Lover, Provider, and Father.
"Missions life" here has still been a struggle, as I am now at a 5-star resort in Hua Hin, Thailand. But God has continued to reveal a purpose in every comfort that He's given me. It's not for my edification or treatment that I'm at this hotel; I'm living the luxurious life right now because this is a week for missionaries to rest and be comfortable. They've sacrificed more than I could even imagine, and being willing to be here with them, pray with them, listen to their testimonies, and watch their kids is worth being comfortable so that they feel loved. I sacrifice my "need" for uncomfortable living situations so that they are able to feel cared for and loved for a week.
Last thing. Haha. My time here has been essential to forming my views of how to live on the missions field. I'm not focusing on pestering God about where He wants to send me; that is not for me to know right now. But what I do want to soak up from the missionaries is how they've chosen to raise their kids; why they chose to send them or not send them to boarding school; how they followed God to a certain place; etc. It's experience that I couldn't get at home, being a pastor's kid, without being surrounded by missionaries; and so this is the perfect place to be. :)
It is not as though I am not in ministry here, for the main goal of the Envision site missionaries are to "live life in Bangkok;" rather, I am finding that there is not the constant conversion from death to life of an unbeliever, the rigorous busyness of VBS and construction work and then repeating the cycle, the guiding schedule of a high school missions trip that has boxes for things to be done as a group or sub-groups. Missions isn't the glory that I had built it up to be in my head, and the crash as that expectation crumbles in my mind and heart has been a defining instant in my trip here.
Amy Carmichael once said, "O to be delivered from half-hearted missionaries! Don't come if you mean to turn aside for anything.... Don't come if you haven't made up your mind to live for one thing-- the winning of souls." There have been a lot of things that I have lived for, not all being for the winning of souls and God's glory in the process; yet, through this trip (and as I hope to continue through my life), God has brought people, sermons, books, and verses to my attention that have called me to die to self. Amy warned me that I am not to step even one step onto the missions field if my one focus is not to win souls, and that has been a sobering reality as I have drawn closer to God and sensed His gentle whispers and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. But it all comes at a "cost" of dying to self-- dying to that which takes my pure devotion and focus off of my Creator, Lover, Provider, and Father.
"Missions life" here has still been a struggle, as I am now at a 5-star resort in Hua Hin, Thailand. But God has continued to reveal a purpose in every comfort that He's given me. It's not for my edification or treatment that I'm at this hotel; I'm living the luxurious life right now because this is a week for missionaries to rest and be comfortable. They've sacrificed more than I could even imagine, and being willing to be here with them, pray with them, listen to their testimonies, and watch their kids is worth being comfortable so that they feel loved. I sacrifice my "need" for uncomfortable living situations so that they are able to feel cared for and loved for a week.
Last thing. Haha. My time here has been essential to forming my views of how to live on the missions field. I'm not focusing on pestering God about where He wants to send me; that is not for me to know right now. But what I do want to soak up from the missionaries is how they've chosen to raise their kids; why they chose to send them or not send them to boarding school; how they followed God to a certain place; etc. It's experience that I couldn't get at home, being a pastor's kid, without being surrounded by missionaries; and so this is the perfect place to be. :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Amy Charmichael and Other Missionaries
It took just over a week, but I am starting to understand what God's purpose is for having me here in Thailand. To be completely honest, it doesn't have a whole lot to do with the Thai people. I could've gone to El Salvador or Gabon and worked with kids in an orphanage and helped university students practice their English. And I probably could've done more than I'm doing here, as our ministry is very relational and dependent on us making the effort to hang out with these university students. At moments, I've even regretted following God here, calling Him crazy for bringing me to a place where I can't speak the language, I have a hard time with all the down time that we have, and I don't feel called to missions in Thailand, so why spend a month and a half here.
But, amidst my doubts, I know with all my heart that God had, first of all, called me here to Bangkok, Thailand and that, secondly, His plan is His-- I am only His servant, following His will and not Him following me as I travel the world on my agenda.
A few things have helped me rely on this trust over my feelings. The first is the place that I'm staying. We're at the Alliance Guest House, which is like a little hotel that hosts conferences, missionaries from around the world, and some longer-term people in a few apartments. I have had the blessing of talking with a few missionaries who are here either to help out a ministry friend in Bangkok and then head back up north or as part of their 2 month vacation from teaching and ministry (their "15 years worth of Sabbaths" that they got because of the husband's pastor position). I have learned so much just from listening to their stories and to hearing how God called and prepared each one of them. Some are single women, others couples, and still others families with young children.
Each story is unique, which is crazy to think about because they all have the same Author. Because of their role in ministry, a man and a woman were left by their spouses, and then after being told by the CMA that the husband couldn't be a pastor if he is remarried, they still got married because they felt God's call. A week later, the national office called to tell them that they had just changed the rule and that it would be determined case by case. Now, they are in UAE (United Arab Emirates), teaching English. The wife got a job (she has an ESL certificate) and the husband got a job (without any degree) because there was a need. Their ministry is more of a witness through the way they live, although they have mentioned countless times where their students asked about their faith and, in the classroom, they were able to give a full testimony to God's goodness.
Another couple are fresh (as I like to call them) missionaries to India, traveling there with their two young daughters from Ohio. Their plans are to start up some businesses and then to have the locals, the Indians, continue and sustain the business. There are a handful of others that I have had the joy to speak with and listen to. It's been such an amazing gift to be in the presence of so many missionaries-- not one perfect in any way, but all are obedient to God's will.
Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to search for God's calling on my life. One missionary really challenged me, and I strongly sense God's guidance in what she said. "God gives us passions, and they're not just empty passions. He wants us to be surrounded by them, by the things that make our eyes light up and our faces never stop smiling." For her and her husband, a passion they share is for the water, and while it may be a 'strange' passion, she believes that it is God's gentle guidance to lead them to Costa Rica or another water-surrounded area. For me, the things that make me smile more than anything else are kids, Spanish, and teaching. Those were little whispers of God calling me to a Spanish speaking country and reaffirming the calls that I've heard.
But last night, I skipped watching a movie to head up and read a book that I'm getting addicted to. It's "A Chance to Die" by Elisabeth Elliot about Amy Carmichael's life. This book was one I had wanted to read for a while but never got to, and then I saw it on the bookshelf at the guest house. Sometimes I think that God brought me to Thailand just so that I could find this book! Haha. It's the ultimate book on missions training and a call to return to humility and weakness. Long story short, I ran into a pastor and missionary, and he pretty much offered me a job there with him to teach English. I would love to, love to visit his country and start up a school as he suggested, and God made this "coincidence"' such a God moment as I longed to start singing praise music while I was still talking to him. Yet there was something in me, maybe my flesh, holding me back. So, without going into too much detail (and I purposefully disclosed the country name), I am torn and so the only thing that I know how to do is pray. I've been really digging into God's Word and talking with Him. "It's the journey that matters, and not the end. I want you to focus on the path that I take you through and not just where I end up taking you to," He told me as we talked this morning.
A song that I was listening to last night had this one line that stuck out to me. "At the end of it all, I just ant to be in Your arms." It's simple but so powerful! No matter where He takes me, I just want to be with Him.
But, amidst my doubts, I know with all my heart that God had, first of all, called me here to Bangkok, Thailand and that, secondly, His plan is His-- I am only His servant, following His will and not Him following me as I travel the world on my agenda.
A few things have helped me rely on this trust over my feelings. The first is the place that I'm staying. We're at the Alliance Guest House, which is like a little hotel that hosts conferences, missionaries from around the world, and some longer-term people in a few apartments. I have had the blessing of talking with a few missionaries who are here either to help out a ministry friend in Bangkok and then head back up north or as part of their 2 month vacation from teaching and ministry (their "15 years worth of Sabbaths" that they got because of the husband's pastor position). I have learned so much just from listening to their stories and to hearing how God called and prepared each one of them. Some are single women, others couples, and still others families with young children.
Each story is unique, which is crazy to think about because they all have the same Author. Because of their role in ministry, a man and a woman were left by their spouses, and then after being told by the CMA that the husband couldn't be a pastor if he is remarried, they still got married because they felt God's call. A week later, the national office called to tell them that they had just changed the rule and that it would be determined case by case. Now, they are in UAE (United Arab Emirates), teaching English. The wife got a job (she has an ESL certificate) and the husband got a job (without any degree) because there was a need. Their ministry is more of a witness through the way they live, although they have mentioned countless times where their students asked about their faith and, in the classroom, they were able to give a full testimony to God's goodness.
Another couple are fresh (as I like to call them) missionaries to India, traveling there with their two young daughters from Ohio. Their plans are to start up some businesses and then to have the locals, the Indians, continue and sustain the business. There are a handful of others that I have had the joy to speak with and listen to. It's been such an amazing gift to be in the presence of so many missionaries-- not one perfect in any way, but all are obedient to God's will.
Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to search for God's calling on my life. One missionary really challenged me, and I strongly sense God's guidance in what she said. "God gives us passions, and they're not just empty passions. He wants us to be surrounded by them, by the things that make our eyes light up and our faces never stop smiling." For her and her husband, a passion they share is for the water, and while it may be a 'strange' passion, she believes that it is God's gentle guidance to lead them to Costa Rica or another water-surrounded area. For me, the things that make me smile more than anything else are kids, Spanish, and teaching. Those were little whispers of God calling me to a Spanish speaking country and reaffirming the calls that I've heard.
But last night, I skipped watching a movie to head up and read a book that I'm getting addicted to. It's "A Chance to Die" by Elisabeth Elliot about Amy Carmichael's life. This book was one I had wanted to read for a while but never got to, and then I saw it on the bookshelf at the guest house. Sometimes I think that God brought me to Thailand just so that I could find this book! Haha. It's the ultimate book on missions training and a call to return to humility and weakness. Long story short, I ran into a pastor and missionary, and he pretty much offered me a job there with him to teach English. I would love to, love to visit his country and start up a school as he suggested, and God made this "coincidence"' such a God moment as I longed to start singing praise music while I was still talking to him. Yet there was something in me, maybe my flesh, holding me back. So, without going into too much detail (and I purposefully disclosed the country name), I am torn and so the only thing that I know how to do is pray. I've been really digging into God's Word and talking with Him. "It's the journey that matters, and not the end. I want you to focus on the path that I take you through and not just where I end up taking you to," He told me as we talked this morning.
A song that I was listening to last night had this one line that stuck out to me. "At the end of it all, I just ant to be in Your arms." It's simple but so powerful! No matter where He takes me, I just want to be with Him.
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