Amy Charmichael and Other Missionaries

It took just over a week, but I am starting to understand what God's purpose is for having me here in Thailand.  To be completely honest, it doesn't have a whole lot to do with the Thai people.  I could've gone to El Salvador or Gabon and worked with kids in an orphanage and helped university students practice their English.  And I probably could've done more than I'm doing here, as our ministry is very relational and dependent on us making the effort to hang out with these university students.  At moments, I've even regretted following God here, calling Him crazy for bringing me to a place where I can't speak the language, I have a hard time with all the down time that we have, and I don't feel called to missions in Thailand, so why spend a month and a half here.

But, amidst my doubts, I know with all my heart that God had, first of all, called me here to Bangkok, Thailand and that, secondly, His plan is His-- I am only His servant, following His will and not Him following me as I travel the world on my agenda.

A few things have helped me rely on this trust over my feelings. The first is the place that I'm staying.  We're at the Alliance Guest House, which is like a little hotel that hosts conferences, missionaries from around the world, and some longer-term people in a few apartments.  I have had the blessing of talking with a few missionaries who are here either to help out a ministry friend in Bangkok and then head back up north or as part of their 2 month vacation from teaching and ministry (their "15 years worth of Sabbaths" that they got because of the husband's pastor position).  I have learned so much just from listening to their stories and to hearing how God called and prepared each one of them.  Some are single women, others couples, and still others families with young children.

Each story is unique, which is crazy to think about because they all have the same Author.  Because of their role in ministry, a man and a woman were left by their spouses, and then after being told by the CMA that the husband couldn't be a pastor if he is remarried, they still got married because they felt God's call.  A week later, the national office called to tell them that they had just changed the rule and that it would be determined case by case.  Now, they are in UAE (United Arab Emirates), teaching English.  The wife got a job (she has an ESL certificate) and the husband got a job (without any degree) because there was a need.  Their ministry is more of a witness through the way they live, although they have mentioned countless times where their students asked about their faith and, in the classroom, they were able to give a full testimony to God's goodness.

Another couple are fresh (as I like to call them) missionaries to India, traveling there with their two young daughters from Ohio.  Their plans are to start up some businesses and then to have the locals, the Indians, continue and sustain the business.  There are a handful of others that I have had the joy to speak with and listen to.  It's been such an amazing gift to be in the presence of so many missionaries-- not one perfect in any way, but all are obedient to God's will.

Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to search for God's calling on my life.  One missionary really challenged me, and I strongly sense God's guidance in what she said.  "God gives us passions, and they're not just empty passions.  He wants us to be surrounded by them, by the things that make our eyes light up and our faces never stop smiling."  For her and her husband, a passion they share is for the water, and while it may be a 'strange' passion, she believes that it is God's gentle guidance to lead them to Costa Rica or another water-surrounded area.  For me, the things that make me smile more than anything else are kids, Spanish, and teaching.  Those were little whispers of God calling me to a Spanish speaking country and reaffirming the calls that I've heard.

But last night, I skipped watching a movie to head up and read a book that I'm getting addicted to.  It's "A Chance to Die" by Elisabeth Elliot about Amy Carmichael's life.  This book was one I had wanted to read for a while but never got to, and then I saw it on the bookshelf at the guest house.  Sometimes I think that God brought me to Thailand just so that I could find this book!  Haha.  It's the ultimate book on missions training and a call to return to humility and weakness.  Long story short, I ran into a pastor and missionary, and he pretty much offered me a job there with him to teach English.  I would love to, love to visit his country and start up a school as he suggested, and God made this "coincidence"' such a God moment as I longed to start singing praise music while I was still talking to him.  Yet there was something in me, maybe my flesh, holding me back.  So, without going into too much detail (and I purposefully disclosed the country name), I am torn and so the only thing that I know how to do is pray.  I've been really digging into God's Word and talking with Him.  "It's the journey that matters, and not the end.  I want you to focus on the path that I take you through and not just where I end up taking you to," He told me as we talked this morning. 

A song that I was listening to last night had this one line that stuck out to me.  "At the end of it all, I just ant to be in Your arms."  It's simple but so powerful!  No matter where He takes me, I just want to be with Him.